Tuesday, September 29, 2009

An Open Letter To My Malodorous Neighbors

*I am completely plagiarizing this idea from Tiburon...just sayin'*

Dear Neighbors,

I remember back a few years, a young and foolish college freshman, completely oblivious to the rules of social normalcy and etiquette. We had no qualms about just walking into each other's apartments without knocking, bang on the walls to quiet a noisy situation, or stay up all hours of the night giggling (regardless of who was trying to sleep next door). We even thought it swell to leave our front door open, indicating a warm, open invitation for company. However, upon graduation from college, social norms dictated that we start living like adults and abandon the carefree days of school.

I moved into this community well over three years ago, and have had constant struggles with those that have occupied your residence during that time. I thought to myself, "Self, maybe once the pot dealers get evicted, perhaps the management can put a decent family or newlywed couple in that trash-hole."

you moved in (with all 25 of your children, none of whom have seen the interior of a shower in months), and brought along with you a few bad habits of your own. My favorite, perhaps, is the way you leave your front door open (which, I think, has something to do with the fact that caring for your 25 children prevent you from affording air conditioning - WHICH I could look past, IF your house smelled anything better than the streets of India). The foul stench emitted from your open door leads me to believe that your cooking skills leave much to be desired (if not your personal hygiene). I have to make a mad dash for my own door, two floors above, to keep the vomit from erupting. Now, I know we all live in what could be considered "the ghetto," but that doesn't mean we need to smell like one.

Please consider this my notice to you (and your unkempt children) that your heinous odor and lack of social norm observance has been reported to management, and I await your eviction notice with baited breath.



Cassie said...

ooh keep me posted on this.

Shamae said...

My gosh! I think I would evict them myself! How crazy!!!

tiburon said...

I love you. Doesn't it feel good to get that off your chest?

TPlayer said...

If you removed your name, and took off the location of YOUR apt, I would seriuosly pay you to leave this on their door. ...or we could always plan a random ward service project to go clean the place..or if things are really negligent, report them to DCFS and I will see the kids here at work soon and we will introduce them to their friend, the shower.