I Struck Gold

*I've been giving a lot of thought to this post, as I really wanted to convey my true feelings about the subject. I sincerely hope that I can do it justice.


Six months ago, I went on a date. I distinctly remember the feeling I had when I came in the door at the end of the night, smile plastered to my face, drifting to the computer to update my status. "He took me for a burger...and it was the best date I've been on in months." Its' happenstance was completely a fluke. I was trying to diversify my dating pool and decided to give it a shot - what was the worst that could happen? I couldn't have known then just how very amazing that guy could make my life.

So now it's been six months. (Save a very, very unhealthy relationship from my past) This is the longest I've been with the same guy who lives in the same county as me. I struck gold. And.I'm.so.very.happy.


I've been very discreet in the cyberworld about my relationship with a certain Mister Bowen, somehow thinking I might jinx it, or let too much out of the bag too soon, but being that it's Mister Bowen's birthday today, I wanted to let everyone know just how incredible he is...and how happy he makes me...and how much I love him!

Jimmy gives me the freedom to be my independent self while allowing me to fall comfortably into that vulnerable place where it's obvious that I need him. He has also allowed me to express that silly, often embarrassing side of myself without the fear of judgment - and happily embraced his own silly side as well!

He is happy to let me run my life but quick to offer advice when I need it. He has been able to find that delicate balance between overbearing and uncaring - perfection. He carefully crafts his own decisions around what he thinks would make me happiest and I have never loved being so accommodated more!


He has endured numerous meals at restaurants he really doesn't care for, movies he would rather have never seen, and evenings spent at my work events taking pictures or picking up trash. His quiet support is priceless and he always does it with a smile on his face. He is an amazing cook, making me dinner often, and clearly seems to enjoy the process of making a meal.


Jimmy truly cherishes my company and is always able to erase every insecurity I allow myself to feel. If I were to name one flaw, it would be that he cares about me too much. He treats me like a queen and constantly helps me realize how special I am, both to him and to others.

When my car was broken into in September, after only having dated for one month, Jimmy quietly cleaned the glass out of my car while I began the process of canceling every card in my purse. He made sure that I would feel comfortable driving in it, even after I felt so violated. He truly has a gift for making me feel safe.


I know that my few words are just a small expression of the way I feel, but that doesn't discount their sincerity. Jimmy, I love you and I am anxious to see just what is in store for us down the road! I am grateful for who you are, and who I am when we are together! I hope you have the happiest of days today, and I can't wait to share many more with you!

Untitled 8.6.10

So...it turns out that Real Simple agrees with my shrink. Today's thought is:

“We’re so busy watching out
for what’s just ahead of us
that we don’t take time to
enjoy where we are.”

― Bill Watterson

There is absolutely nothing wrong with just dating for fun (unfortunately, I didn't learn this lesson when I was 17). I am NOT going to marry everyone I date, nor do they want to marry me, or commit to me long-term, or be with me 24 hours a day. They just want to have fun with me, with the possibility of seeing where it goes. I've been so paranoid in my dating ventures that I have neglected having fun with the guys I go out with - I'm just constantly looking for the signs that I could marry them...doing both of us a huge disservice! I know, I'm severely retarded.

Now that I've revealed all my neuroses to the blogosphere (or at least the 4 people who actually read my blog), again, I ask, please withhold judgment...or at least judge me in person.

I'm Coming Out of the Closet

The last two months I've been living something of a lie. My life has a huge secret I feel I need to reveal...

I. Am. A. Plasma Donor.

Turns out I like to spend money. Consequently, I'm running out of money to spend. Therefore, I've turned to alternative means to supplement my income (means that don't involve taking my clothes off in public). I was ashamed of this decision, being aptly employed with an adequate salary...but that inclination to spend overtook me and I needed more cash. Please try to withhold judgment.

It hasn't been all bad - I got a date out of it. He's quite a cutie, but after only one date, I can't divulge many details without putting the kibosh on the whole thing. He took me to see Inception, and allowed me to put him through 2 hours of John Mayer and So You Think You Can Dance, and he actually tried to come back for more the next day. He was the perfect gentleman. Perhaps he will last longer than the usual 2 dates.

The "NEW" John Mayer

So...there's a long boring saga about how I finally got "Cute Plasma Boy" to ask me out...and I can fill you in on the deets later. But there's a more pressing issue...apparently there's a guy out there masquerading as my John Mayer, calling himself "Jon Meyer." Trust me, I was alarmed when I found this note on my car this morning on my way to church...

Click the pic to enlarge

Cute as it was, it is sincerely one of the strangest post-date happenstances I have ever experienced. I guess I should just be grateful to know he was paying attention when I made him watch "Storytellers: John Mayer" when we got back from the movie. Call it a form of initiation.

I am Cougar, Hear Me ROAR

(and I definitely don't mean this in the BYU variety...)

I have always claimed to like older men. In dating scenarios, I feel like if the guy is older than me, they are "dominant." Just as if they were taller than me, or outweighed me by more than 10 pounds. I've always had a dominant personality so it's always been important for me to find those characteristics in guys I date.

I guess my "cougar" tendencies really started to come out in high school (strangely, when I had only been dating a year or two). There were a handful of freshmen boys I coveted during my own senior year. What can I say - they were adorable. I even had baby crushes on my brothers' friends.

During my adult life, I put that side of me to rest - insisting on only dating guys who were my age or older. Yet last year when the opportunity arose to go out with a guy I had been lusting after for months, despite his very young age, I took it. He was taller than me (by a head), and outweighed me by at least 10 pounds (times 5 or more), there was just this little matter of 6 years I had to look past. And look past, I did. I talked to some friends about it, dubbed myself a "cradle-robbing, cougar, whore" and got on with it. It seemed the only one who had issue with my age was me. Sadly he has left me for 2 years (you figure out why).

Since then, I have semi-fully embraced the title Cougar (although I don't think you can actually be called a cougar until you are 40). I have found solace in being attracted to the younger generation of Hollywood:

Joe Jonas

Zac Efron

Fast forward to THIS Monday in my real life. I'm working on a fundraising campaign through several high schools in the state and I had the privilege of visiting West High to motivate and encourage them in their efforts. I showed them the ever-motivating "Sydney Video," answered several intelligent questions about diabetes and went back to the office. Their teacher called me a few minutes later and told me I had forgotten to bring some supplies she needed, so I booked it back to the school the second time. As I dropped the materials off, she mentioned to me that after I left some of the boys were talking about me, "I think they would fundraise better if you come talk to the class a few more times - they think you're pretty cute." I had a little giggle walking back to my car, flattered and appalled at the thought of high school boys being attracted to me.

Prelude to a Kiss

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

~Ingrid Bergman

In my life I have happenstances which cause me to reflect back on memories past. Tonight at work such an instance presented itself and I was transported back a few months.

They had spent a blissful evening together, complete with baseball spectator-ship, watermelon wedges, and a quiet contemplative drive around the city. The night was waning and she had to be at work early the next morning. As they pulled up to her office so he could pick up his car, it was evident that neither of them were quite ready for the evening to end. They sat down in the driveway, started up a conversation and the time flew. They talked like they'd known each other for years, rather than their short couple of weeks. He asked her what she looked for in a guy. She rattled off the characteristics, memorized from several other such conversations, "Intelligent. Funny. Driven. Motivated. Attractive." Before they knew it, it was after 1am and they both knew that they should call it a night.

Inevitably, as conversations often do between guys and girls, the subject shifted to kissing. He asked how many guys she had kissed, and she obliged, afterward turning the question on him. As the conversation evolved, he asked, "Have you ever thought about kissing me?" Of course she had. Nearly every week when she passed by him at church she had verbally remarked to her friend how adorable he was. "I'm not going to answer that," she coyly responded. He looked her in the eye and asked what that was supposed to mean. She could see he wasn't driven enough to make the move, so she sauntered over to the driver's side and opened the door, saying, "Ok, I'm gonna go now. Thanks for hanging out."

He looked at her with a certain longing in his eyes, as if to say, Are you kidding me?? She knew he wanted to kiss her, and she him, but she was going to make him work for it. "Remember when I told you how I like guys who are driven and take initiative?" she asked him. He did - vividly. He came closer to her, the driver's side door acting as a buffer between them. He asked her not to leave yet. She asked why and he said he wasn't ready for the night to be over. She crept out from behind the protective barricade of the car door and asked if he was any good. He responded, "There's only one way to find out." He cupped her face with his hands, the only guy she had ever kissed to do such a thing, and kissed her.

As I ventured out of the front door of my office, down to the driveway where I was sent to retrieve my bosses' purse, tonight, I got to relive one of the sweetest moments of my dating career. It was ever so vividly replayed in my memory as thought it were yesterday.

Blue Plate Diner

I remember the night we went to the Blue Plate Diner. He had come over to drop off a mix CD, which turned into hanging out...all night. His friends had plans for dinner and I didn't want to crash the party (with the friend in from out of town). He made every attempt to make it clear that my company was desired, but in my typical stubborn nature, I had myself convinced that no one wanted me there. I made some outlandish request for pancakes (not thinking that any of the guys would follow suit), not of the Denny's variety, and he made it happen. Quite elated that I had manipulated dinner plans in my favor, I gleefully hopped in the car.

Upon arrival at the diner, we were the first of the group to get there. We perused the menu, as well as the city weekly provided at the door. The group filtered in, one car at a time, and we proceeded to order. I got pancakes and french fries - an unorthodox combination. We chatted, caught up, and decided to move on to phase 2 of the evening.

I was tired, so I hung back while the guys threw out ideas for the remainder of the evening. Keys on Main seemed to be the consensus, and immediately I felt ready to go home to bed. He was so considerate to accompany me home, against my insistence that he go out with his friends - one of the boys had offered me a ride home. I was annoyed that he would be so unrelenting, but by that point, I didn't care anymore. He drove me home, saying "I would rather be here watching a movie with you, than anywhere with those guys."

Immediately I melted, realizing how much he cared for me. My annoyance turned to comfort as we watched Holiday Inn together. He kissed me goodnight, and when he left, I scratched my head and considered, exactly, what I felt for him. I knew I was in trouble.

Random Thought on Singledom

While hopping from blog to blog this afternoon, I stumbled upon a quote I found very comforting to me in my singledom. It goes a little something like this:

“Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”

Glad to know I'm not a rotten apple today.

By the way, here's where I found this gem. She had some great insight on Independence Day. Rather than try to duplicate a post, I think I'll let her words suffice - we have very similar feelings towards our Nation's Birthday. God bless America - we need His help more than ever!

Love Connection??

Do you ever compare your life to TV shows? I've adopted this horrible habit, and right now I would liken the events of my life to a bad episode of Love Connection. I half expect a crazed Chuck Woolery to leap out at any moment and critique. It started with Hot or Not. Eric insisted that I upload my picture, and I insisted on an alias - Candy Cane. This was, of course, in the wake of the Mike fiasco, and I had nothing to lose, so I did it. Naturally, the "double matches" started rolling in and the emails abounded. That was fun and amusing for a few weeks, but then the hysteria died down and I became your average 9.5.

Ash always has a guy up her sleeve, which is why I wasn't surprised when she begged me to go out with her friend. "Just log into my Facebook and check out his photos." Ironically, he was online and choosing to chat with "Ash" at that very moment. I decided to chat him up, and had myself a date for that weekend.

Walking the halls of church more than 5 minutes prior to the start of Sacrament Meeting isn't common for me. Planning on just making a beeline for the Bishop's office for a tithing envelope, my mission was interrupted by a guy remarking that I was "quite the runner." I'm so self conscious about the way I run and how I look that I was immediately caught off guard. He had seen me running and I begged him to just keep it a secret and not tell me. We got to chatting about running until I had to retreat to the organ for prelude. Later that night he popped up on my chat and I debated for a good 10 minutes before I hit enter to send the simple message, "Hey." The night ended with me at his house, watching the white trash guilty pleasure Talladega Nights. Glad I hit enter on that bad boy.

Going out to my car after the movie, my phone beeped loudly at me signaling a message. The voicemail was from a guy my mom has been trying to set me up with for a month. He had finally called, and chosen that night to pounce. He accused me of screening my calls (not true) and asked me to call him back. Unintentionally, his phone call still remains unreturned.

Ladies and gents, I now turn to the old adage when it rains, it pours. Love to hate it, but, boy oh boy, it's true.

Random Encounters at the Old Navy

He was meandering around the men's underwear when he began to eavesdrop on their conversation: "Part of me really thinks I need one of these shirts to wear to the Walk events this year. They're pretty cool!" He mentioned he liked the Superman one, and asked exactly what she was referring to. "I work for a non-profit and our theme this year is 'Be a Hero, Find a Cure' and these would mesh perfectly!" "Oh, that's cool. Go with Superman."

She shrugged off the encounter, and continued with her friend towards the "main event." Lynsey had gotten a 25% off coupon from a co-worker, and they fully intended to splurge on swimwear that evening. There were numerous styles, colors, and cuts, some of which only porn stars could wear, but she found a cute black and white ruffled, gingham duo, which she fancied, and noted that they didn't have her size. She walked up to the nearest store attendant and asked if they had any more in back. He went to look and she wandered further over into the women's section, when she saw the gentleman with whom she had previously conversed that evening. He came up to her and asked if he could ask her a strange question. Always up for answering those, she said "yes," tainted with a hint of intrigue. "My friend just got a phone call from a talk show, telling him that he had a secret admirer. If it was you, would you go?"

Puzzled by the query (and why he would ask her), she asked, instinctively, "What talk show?" He didn't know, but she said she would likely go, out of sheer morbid curiosity. He seemed satisfied with that response and confidently asked her name. "Stacey. Yours?" "Jeff."

After chit-chatting and small talking for a few moments longer, he got her number, asked her if she would like to go for coffee ("I don't drink coffee," she replied), then, for ice cream, took his cue to leave, and he was gone. Stacey and Lynsey continued about their shopping, puzzled about the whole encounter, when the first text message arrived (not ten minutes after he left). "Hi it's Jeff from Old Navy. Would you like to go get ice cream sometime?" How's that for striking while the iron's hot?? "Sure. When?" she replied. "Monday works for me." She pushed him to Thursday, thinking she could maybe think of some way to bail on him before then. He agreed to Thursday at 7:30, and the texting stopped.

At the conclusion of the evening, Stacey commented to Lynsey that she needed to ice her knees on Sunday. She would stop at the Smiths on the way home and grab some (along with a load of other crap she thought up while making a list). She was almost done, but just needed some salad for her dinner alone on Sunday. She turned the corner to the produce section where she spotted him again. She accused him of stalking her, and he said the same to her. He noted that two "meet-cutes" in one night was a sign and that they needed to bump their ice cream date up from Thursday at 7:30 to right now. She had eggs and frozen peas that needed to be kept cold, so she used that as her argument to wait. He offered to allow her to go home, properly refrigerate, and go from there. She explained how to get to her house, and he offered to drive her there, drop her groceries off, and take her back to her car once the outing was done. She reluctantly agreed, thinking that now she wouldn't have to worry about Thursday.

They arrived at the Iceberg a short 15 minutes before closing time. They sat in the car, enjoying their shakes and listening to music (a shared passion, they discovered). He mentioned that he used to rap (yes, like 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem, alike) and offered to rap for her if she would sing along to one of the songs. He introduced her to what he called "intelligent rap" (tells a story and includes strings), and mocked her love for the Mayer. She never did sing along (silently knowing that she doesn't hide her dislike for things well), so he offered an alternative to singing along. She could kiss him on the cheek. Disliking both of her options, she hoped he would forget by the time they pulled up next to her car in the Smiths parking lot. He gave her one more chance to sing along, which she denied. He turned his face towards hers, indicating for her to kiss his cheek. She looked him square in the eye and said "If you turn your head, so help me, I will slap you." "Well, then," he replied, "you'd better just go."

She thanked him for the shake, hopped in her car, and drove home. "Here's to a random encounter," she thought, "and not having to wonder what might have been."

She & Him pt. 3

The Other She landed in Salt Lake on December 19th - the day that Winter Break began; the day after She said goodbye to Him for the long 9 days ahead. She had never been so anxious or worried in her whole life. She couldn't concentrate, She had a knot in her stomach 24 hours a day, She was consumed with thoughts of losing Him. Her friends and family coached her, saying that this was the time for her to be confident - when He would realize just how much he missed her. Unfortunately, these reassurances only made matters worse. She took nearly a week off work to spend time with Her family to try to pass the time.

He arrived on her doorstep to drop off a Christmas gift, and immediately She started to cry. She hated that she couldn't maintain her composure in front of him, but seeing Him after 4 days of brain-numbing anxiety was all that She could handle. He had bought Her a book - by an author they had discussed. A passage in the book reminded Him of Her, however, he couldn't, for the life of him, remember which passage it was. His charge: to read the book searching for similarities. She did, and though there were many, She didn't find their correlation strong enough to their immediate situation. She completed the book in record time.

She was getting her hair done when She got the text, "Hey do you have some time to get together?" In Her mind, this could only bode badly for her. She pushed and pushed for him to spill his guts (and in His defense, He really wanted to talk in person). "We stayed up until 4 in the morning talking, and after that I had decided that She was the one." (of course, referring to the Other She). She stopped reading at that point. The tears began to fall amidst the crowd of pubescent beauty school students - not many past the age of 21. Fortunately her sister was the one doing her highlights, and tried her best to console Her. "I hate him" her sister said, "you need to make a clean break and move on."

The texting continued through the duration of Her hair treatment. He claimed to have regretted his decision immediately, and, long story short, He wanted to see Her - tomorrow at breakfast. With eyes swollen to the size of grapefruits, She consented to the meeting. They talked in circles for nearly 3 hours, with the consensus being that He needed more time (more than the ten months She had already given Him). She agreed - anything worth anything can be waited for.

He managed to taint Her holiday season with anxiety, even on Christmas, He asked her to a movie. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was the decided, and He even went down to Her families' house so She wouldn't have to drive. They went to the movie, and came out to a winter wonderland. His dad asked Him not to drive home. He was down to stay (at least for the evening). Upon arrival at Her parents' house, they tiptoed in, careful not to disturb its' slumbering inhabitants. They retreated to the basement, where the spare bedroom was located. They quickly reacquainted, as though nothing had transpired between them the last 10 days. She went upstairs and quickly fell asleep on the couch, and no sooner had she fallen, She awoke to the cereal chomping of her younger brother (he eats like a horse out to pasture). She had a small conversation with her mom and dad, and went down to awaken Him.

He was embarrassed to ascend from the basement, worried about the judgment of Her parents and family. She reassured Him, and quickly ushered Him outside. They dug His car out of the snowdrift they parked it in the night before, He gave her a quick kiss, and drove away. For the first time in 10 days She felt markedly reassured.

That day She shopped the after-Christmas sales with her sister. While at her favorite shoe store, She got a phone call from Him. "We need to talk," He said. Feeling Her stomach churn just as She had for the past week, She agreed to call Him back following Her outing. She got home and immediately dialed those familiar 10 digits. His voice had a somber tone he responded to her question, "What's up?"

"I've been thinking about things since I left this morning, and while I value our friendship, I value my relationship with her more." He had finally made a decision. The whole ordeal had finally come to a screeching halt. She was immediately devastated. However reassured She was that morning, She now felt as though she had been repeatedly kicked in the stomach. She didn't think she had ever cried so hard, or felt so much pain because of one person. The next morning, She awoke to find an email from Him, delineating all of Her attractive qualities, and reasons that He had loved her for the past 10 months. She read quietly as the tears streamed down her face. She thought "He really believes I exhibit all these traits, yet He still chose her. What a slap in the face."

It took a little bit of time, but eventually She picked up all the pieces of her broken heart, and managed to forge on. She did emerge a stronger person - just as She had many times before. And She never really figured out what passage in that book He was talking about...

Yes, I'm posting about Twilight...

I only saw Twilight one time in theaters. I wouldn't even have considered myself a "Twilighter." I was the first to admit that they hype surrounding the movie was completely out of control. I read the books out of curiosity, but finished the franchise out of obligation. One wouldn't guess this, given that I read the books in record time (on my scale, of course). When Facebook status updates and flair boards read "I'm looking for my Edward" I was thinking "Oh, please. Can't we get over the mythical vampire dreamboat?" I mean, really, how healthy can it be for teenage girls to be lusting after a blood-sucking, whimsical guy, when REAL guys bring enough problems of their own??

So, last night when i bought the DVD (yes, it was actually a "stop" on the Saturday to-do list), I was eager to get my second-take. I wasn't terribly impressed the first time around, but because my infatuation with Robert Pattinson has bloomed, I felt the need to give it another chance. It took me two tries to get through it (given that I started it at 12:30 am), but finished this morning with just enough time to make it to church. I liked it more the second time, but for different reasons than I thought I would. Having experienced a few handfuls of life since I saw it last November, I picked up a few things that I didn't before.

I love finding parallels to my life in movies, music lyrics, and TV shows, but I really didn't want to with Twilight. I was startled when two lines, in particular, struck me as pertinent - yes, the teenage vampire movie has application in real life! The first line is in the scene at the restaurant after Edward rescues Bella from the weasels in the dark alley. He says, "I feel very protective of you." I find this to be very endearing - and appropriate of any male/female relationship. Any good guy friend/boyfriend I have had has mentioned this to me one time or another. It is so important to me to know that the guys I am with feel the need to protect me. I'm one tough broad, and usually do pretty well on my own, but to know that someone else has my back, is truly a sign that someone cares for me.

The second line is in the hokey scene when Bella articulates to Edward that she knows what he is. He says to her, "You don't know how long I've waited for you." He knows that she is who he is meant to be with. I think we all feel this way at times - when we've met someone and the chemistry is just right. It hasn't happened to me more than a handful of times (with friends - girl and guy - and love interests), but you just know that you've met for a reason. I know, especially as single Latter Day Saints, we are constantly indoctrinated with the marriage spiel (as if we don't know that we should be getting married). We've all waited so long - and we will wait even longer, but I would rather wait FOREVER for someone who makes me feel this way than to settle for someone I have lukewarm attachment to.

Even in church today, Bishop Hanks taught Relief Society about dating and marriage and his wife mentioned that even in Twilight, Edward put Bella's needs above his own. He was always concerned about her well-being first and foremost - the same way that guys we date should be about us.

Oh, and did I mention, the movie has a great soundtrack??

So there you have it. I have likened Twilight unto my own life (as inappropriate or blasphemous as that is). Try not to judge too harshly. It was either this, or another post about how I'm losing a toenail due to my training. I picked this.